Photo by qthomasbower/Flickr (Creative Commons)
In a popular post last week, guest blogger and KPCC’s OnCentral blog editor Kim Bui took on a particularly thorny question among the many that surround interracial dating: “Why do you only date white men?”
In the post, she wrote:
I don’t exclusively dated white men. I’ve dated several Asian men.
I grew up in the Midwest, which probably adds to my preference.
My response to the question “why do you only date white men” is usually that I’m second-generation, and I have a hard time identifying with Asian men who grew up outside of the United States. Although I love my culture and speak Vietnamese, I am mostly American in my values. And values are where it counts in relationships.
I am hard-headed, ambitious and probably a little too honest to fit the mold of a traditional Vietnamese wife. I find that Caucasian men tend to understand this a little bit better.
The post, which was widely circulated on Facebook, generated this response from Marc, a reader who, like Kim, is also Vietnamese American. An excerpt from his comment:
I am right there with author and understand crystal clearly what she means. A few points:
Even the question in itself is bothersome. By asking why we only date “white” women/men, the actual question is actually, “Why don’t you date people of your color?” The question in itself is racist in that it assumes that just because we are of a certain color, we must date our “own kind.” I am a heterosexual Vietnamese-American male, second generation, and I make no apologies for having only dated white women, mainly because they are more likely to share my values regarding feminism, and I am not obligated to date anyone I don’t find desirable, based on my values. That leads to point 2.
Whether we like to admit it or not, the feminist movement is still a very privileged and white movement. Feminism awakenings are often a result of education, which in itself is a privilege. Thus, since said privilege is often intersected with race and class, the majority of those who are feminists are white. If we’re dating people based on feminism, why should we apologize or even feel bad for our desires?
The original post was based on an interesting piece on the KCET website, which drew together responses from a variety of people to the question, “Why do Asians predominately date Caucasians?”
Kim, in her observation, concluded:
It would be better if we turned the conversation outside of race. Omit all references to skin color in what I just wrote, and it’s a woman talking about finding a man who values the same thing she does. Isn’t that what we’re all doing, regardless of our ethnicity?
