February 8, 2012 | 9:59 AM | By

‘What every immigrant parent tells his kid’: What’s your story?

FILED UNDER: "A Better Life", Demian Bichir, Immigrant parents

Photo by Nisha A/Flickr (Creative Commons)

There’s a conversation that began on the site recently after I posted a scene from the Oscar-nominated film “A Better Life,” one in which the immigrant protagonist explains to his teenage son in so many words why it is that he makes the sacrifices that he makes.

The character, an undocumented gardener named Carlos Galindo played by actor Demián Bichir, says:

“You are the most important thing in this world to me, mijo. I wanted you to be able to be anything you wanted to be. That would make me feel worthy, if you became somebody.”

Recently, reader Cesar Zambrano tweeted after watching the film clip: “That is what every immigrant parent tells his kid.”

And although the words of these conversations throughout the generations have varied, or sometimes been unspoken, it’s true to one degree or another in many immigrant families. The message resonates. Here’s what another reader, Miguel Corona, shared yesterday:

While I don’t remember my parents ever having a conversation like this with me – they really didn’t have to. We as a family knew about their sacrifice. We saw how hard they worked for us. They were the first to rise in the morning before the sun came up and the last to turn off the lights at the end of the day.

I’d like to hear more readers’ thoughts. What conversations like these took place in your home? How did they make you feel then, and did they have an effect on your life?

  • a

    I had these conversations constantly growing up. As terrible as it sounds, I’ve grown immune to it. Everything –from getting B’s instead of A’s or for being a little too loud or rowdy, or just in the middle of a quiet dinner–  my father, especially my father, would talk about “breaking his back” or the way he’s “killing himself” for my sister and I. All the sacrifices… so many sacrifices, he and my mother had to make! I’m 21 and I carry those words not as a motivating and inspring force in my life, but as a burden that sags like a heavy load. 

  • Szahedi

    My Sister’s family moved here 4 years ago, now she and her husband, one a urologist and other a dentist have to start over and are at school, life is very hard for them , having 3 kids and trying to survive, But I can see that they do this for their children more than anything they want these kids to grow uo knowing the meaning of freedome

  • Jairomedal

    I was 12 years old when I immigrated to El Norte. I believe that a dad or parent shouldn’t tell their kids their sacrifices. I will however tell my kids, daughter what it took me to be in this country, the borders I had to cross, the people God put in my way to help me the long journey, mountains, rivers, hunger, sickness, cold, eternal walks, fear, the dark. Moments I value to this day, who makes me appreciate what I have become and continue each day as an opportunity to achieved our goals. Sacrifices for my children perhaps not, but understanding the values they have right now as opposed to what I had.

  • http://twitter.com/depsilon danny gonzalez

    My father moved to California when he was 18.  Has been working at the same company for over 39 years.  Raised a family 5 along with my mother.  My parents didn’t finish HS in Mexico, yet they were demanding when it came to school.  So demanding, that all of 5 of my sisters and brothers finished our education at private Universities with scholarships not having to leave a burden on our parents financially.

    My father worked over time for more then 25 years, always sacrificed what he wanted for the better of the family.  I remember wanting to talk to him, share with him what I had accomplished at school, extra curricular activities, and him telling me “Que bueno mijo”.  For me it was frustrating.  I wanted my father to be there at my award ceremonies, at my games, and I felt lonely inside even confused as to what I was doing wrong for my parents not to come and support me more. 

    I guess, growing up I never really understood the sacrifices they made. I can only imagine now,understand what they sacrificed.  Now I have conversations with my parents and I see what they faced.  Uncertainty, navigating a new culture, compromising old values and negotiating new ones in a new country.  It’s stories like these that I want to hear more in the media, I think there are more stories like these… wish media would cover more positive stories..