Multi-American ®

Photo by hebedesign/Flickr (Creative Commons)

This week we’ve been featuring the first-person stories people who live in families of mixed immigration status, families in which some members are U.S. citizens or legal residents and others remain undocumented, often unable to adjust their status.

With the demand for family reunification high and the number of immigrant visas available each year low, especially for hopeful immigrants in countries like Mexico and the Philippines, mixed-status families are common in the United States. But with the risk of deportation always present, family members keep quiet, not revealing why they can’t do things other families take for granted.

KPCC’s Public Insight Network has asked people who are willing to share their stories to write in about their experiences, and several have. Among those whose stories have been featured this week was one young woman, the U.S. born child of undocumented parents, who wrote, “Mixed citizenship status within a family causes frustration, uncertainty, secrecy, lies.”

Yesterday’s post featured the story of an Orange County man who has legal status but whose siblings don’t, although they all arrived in the U.S. as minors.

Today’s story comes from a 32-year-old woman in Kansas City, Missouri who was born in the U.S. to Mexican immigrants. She has been with her partner, a woman who is undocumented, since 2008. ”I knew she was undocumented, but it didn’t matter to me,” she wrote. “I loved her and still love her.”

But as she tells it, their life together isn’t easy:

It hurts to keep so many secrets. I can’t put her on an application for a loan and I have to say I’m the only person in the household. I can’t put her on my health or auto insurance and again – it’s as if she doesn’t exist.

We share a car because I don’t feel comfortable knowing she is driving at night (she works at two restaurants). She works weekends, so I know that there is plenty of police patrol on Friday and Saturday nights. I had to learn to drive stick shift (but that’s a positive)!

I have a professional career and I hate not being able to take her to company events where they may require valid drivers license/identification/etc. I hate that I can go to college and she (who is miles ahead of me), can’t. I hate that she is taken advantage of at work and she can’t just quit or file grievances like I could.

Our emotional relationship has also had problems because (she’ll never admit this), but she feels helpless. She wants to be the breadwinner. She wants to be the provider. She doesn’t want me to drive her around. She doesn’t want me to worry about bills. I’ve seen her cry and it kills me.

(In response to “What do you wish others knew about families whose members have a mix of citizenship, legal residency or undocumented/lapsed immigration status?) If a stranger were to walk into our house, they would see we are as “normal” as everyone else. We cook. We clean. We work. We work hard. We cry. We dream. We watch TV. We read. We learn. We laugh….and yes, we even hurt. We are human.

(In response to “What steps, if any, have members of your family taken to correct visa or immigration problems?) She talked to a lawyer years ago and they told her she could not apply. She does not have any direct connection of possiblity to get a visa. I can’t marry her in Missouri. And even if we were to marry in Iowa, I can’t help her with her papers. We are honest people and while some have suggested to her in the past to marry a man – she won’t. She won’t lie to get a piece of paper.

While many people are quick to judge the undocumented, I ask that they instead devote that energy to learn about the reality surrounding immigration. I am not undocumented, but my partner is. Her problems are my problems.

In a phone conversation, she added that she and her partner want to adopt a child together, but this is also fraught with questions. “What am I supposed to do?” she said. “Say I’m alone?”

Do you have a story to share? Feel free to post comments below, or view the Public Insight Network questions here.